Abuse or Discipline?

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jessicabeagley

 

 

 

 

 

While watching the news last night (something I rarely do), one of the news stories really bothered me. Now granted we all have our different forms of discipline and ‘punishments' when our children do something wrong. But this “mom” and I use the term lightly as I just can't believe she would treat her adopted son this way. I won't include the video as I actually started to cry; that is how much it bothered me, but I will include the link for anyone that wishes to watch it. (he was 5 at the time the news reported).

Alaska mother Jessica Beagley told Dr. Phil her seven-year-old adopted son is out of control and she's tried everything to discipline him including “Hot saucing,” a controversial method of discipline.

Read more: http://www.abcactionnews.com/dpp/news/local_news/mother-uses-hot-sauce-to-discipline-7-year-old-child-then-runs-him-under-cold-shower#ixzz1W8d6MAVb

I know some people will say a parent has a right to use any type of discipline they see fit (so there is no reason to use that as a comment.) My problem with this is 1) If I was made to DRINK hot sauce I would probably choke, not to mention the after effect on my throat and digestive system. I never used ‘soap' as a deterrent but if I had my child would not have had to drink it. 2) To put a child in a cold shower, while screaming at him-is not only abusive-how is this helping that child to learn?  When a child is adopted (let a lone a child that is your own) shouldn't that child feel safe and loved in their environment?  This child was adopted from a foreign country orphanage-he suffers from attachment disorder…hmmm I wonder why?

Maybe this so called Mother should have taken more classes on how to deal with a child from another country? I know most states in order to foster or adopt you have to go through parenting classes. Did she happen to take a class in torture techniques? My heart just ached for this little boy.

The oddest thing was this “mom” obviously thought she was right as she taped what she did for the Dr. Phil show.  Another sign that she isn't ‘right' in my book… (in the head that is).

Our children shape their tomorrow. These children that are being abused and put through these types of so called discipline -what do we think they are going to become when they are older?  I am just so furious and sad when I think about ALL of the children out there being subjected to this type of abuse.

Here is the ‘transcript' from the video:

In the video she gave to the Dr. Phil show in an effort to get help disciplining her son she videotaped herself standing at the bathroom counter where her son sat. She was nose-to-nose with the boy as she loudly questioned him.

Jessica Beasley: “Does it work to lie to me? What happens when you lie to me?”
7-year-old: “I get hot sauce (crying).
Jessica Beasley: You get hot sauce! What else happens when you lie to me?
7-year-old: I get a cold shower.
Jessica Beasley: What is the consequence for pulling a card at school?
7-year-old: A cold shower (crying).
Jessica Beasley: A cold shower, get undressed right now!

A blood-curdling scream came from behind the blue and pink shower curtain as she continued scolding him about misbehaving at school, causing the teacher to send him home with color-coded cards.

“You pulled three cards today that is unacceptable behavior! You are to do what you are told! You are supposed to listen to your teacher and when you are told to stop you stop! Do you understand what I am telling you?” screamed Beagley.

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ABC Action News interviewed Major Rob Bullara of the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office. He watched the video and we asked if this mother had gone too far.

“In this case, this women evidently has some anger management issues with how she's handling that event with that small child.  We would definitely investigate,” said Bullara.

The Major added whether Beagley went too far can't be answered without a thorough investigation and that would “absolutely” happen in Hillsborough County with a case like this.

“It is very disturbing to look at this due to the sheer fear that she places in that child, which would also be considered by a prosecutor or law enforcement in regards to bringing charges against her,” said Bullara.

Her plea was not-guilty as in her words “this was a family situation”. Well I would like to ask her since when are you given the right to treat your child like a prisoner of war?  If she couldn't handle him, she should have reached out for help. I could go on and on, as this just makes me furious. This child maybe just needs more love and encouragement, or maybe he needs to be asked why he is acting this way, what is upsetting him to make him ‘pull 3 cards at school'? He was 5 at the time, FIVE….

If you want to see the video- here is a link:

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video/hot-sauce-mom-found-guilty-spicy-punishment-abuse-14370014

We shape our children's future by what we write on their wall-although this is somewhat a Dr.Phil quote-it is one of the most true things I think he has said. (even for those of you that don't care for the guy). Its a wall and not a slate as that type of treatment just can't be erased, it is there, permanently.

So what are your thoughts? Abuse or Discipline?

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MomMeTime
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Wow…I am typically of the mindset that a family matter is a family matter but not in this case. It is one thing to discipline and something totally different when someone punishes, humiliates and demeans…I cannot fathom having the type of discipline problems that would require a five year old to “push me to my wits end”…uh, I don’t think so! I think at some point we all say or do something as a parent that one might question but a cold shower and/or hot sauce — is abuse! It has absolutely nothing to do with what was acceptable back… Read more »

Tara V.
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Tara V.

When I was a child I was given hot sauce for saying curse words. Many parents use the method to stop a bad mouth. I grew up just fine and would never call it abuse. Now, while her approach was different (and used for a different reason), I really think she was just out of options. The woman felt like nothing was working and she was trying to find something that worked with the child. I would much rather see the child given hot sauce than given a belt to the butt.

Becky Willis
Guest

I appreciate your comment :). I wasn’t given hot sauce or a belt (my uncle used to use one on my cousins when they behaved -a house of 3 belts, and although I don’t agree with that either, they turned out fine). What was ‘acceptable’ back then is no longer acceptable these days as I am finding. Its ok you agree with her methods, I however don’t-and its great we can agree to disagree. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!

Tara V.
Guest
Tara V.

Hi Becky,

I am not saying I agree with her methods! I just think they could be a
lot worse. I really feel sorry for the woman. I do think that it is sad
parents have lost control of
raising their children. Kids back in the day were well behaved for the
most part and never would have though about acting like many kids today.
I really feel like it is because parents are quick to allow any
behavior in fear of being in trouble. Our gov. has taken control over
how people parent and then when the kids end up delinquents the parents
are blamed.

Becky Willis
Guest

I misunderstood! I apologize. I have been lucky that my kids were not unmanageable-and the issues I did have I was able to figure out what to do in order to not have to go to this extent. I feel bad for her in the fact she adopted a child (which is an awesome thing)-and is in the position she is now. Thanks for clarifying 🙂

Janice
Guest
Janice

I agree with Anne. This is a child with attachment disorder…this is THE worst way she could treat him!

Becky Willis
Guest

Thank you Janice for your comment. I knew when I wrote this I would have people with a different opinion. I think discipline/punishment etc has a different definition for many different people.

Shari Goss
Guest
Shari Goss

I mean I do understand some parents think that soap is a good idea for punishment for swearing, or lieing.  But honestly since I had an allergy to green soap (which my mom didn’t know when she would make me hold it in my mouth), it burned.  I can’t imagine drinking hot sauce!  That seems cruel.  I have a 5 yr old, who doesn’t even like hot sauce on food.  Punishments are meant to teach you a lesson.  Consequences.  Unless he threw another kid in a frozen lake in the winter, I don’t think I could see any way this… Read more »

Crunchy Frugalista
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Crunchy Frugalista

I did see that video on Dr. Phil, and I started bawling! I understand strict discipline, but the punishment in no one fit the crime! I commend her for asking for help, but there is no need to demean a child in order to “punish.” Just shocking!

Wendy
Guest
Wendy

While I agree that this mother went too far, there are children who do not respond to normal disciple techniques.  This mom was probably at her wits end and didn’t know what else to do….though it escalated and went way to far. 

Becky Willis
Guest

I understand Wendy. I don’t know her background-so maybe I come across rather harsh. My husband runs a daycare and if he did either of her tactics (although they aren’t his kids) he too would have been found guilty-so I feel its only right that the mother of a child she is supposed to nurture and care for gets the same treatment. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by.

Alisha
Guest
Alisha

I beleive that if the child had not of been adopted this would not be a big issue. I think she punished as seen fit, hot sauce isn’t going to kill him heck my 4 year old eats hot sauce all the time and as for the cold shower children jump in swimming pools just as cold and never think anything of it. She wanted help with her parenting and to learn better ways that is why she was on Dr. Phil. I just thinks stories like this make parents not want to ask for help when they really need… Read more »

Becky Willis
Guest

I appreciate your comment. My kids eat hot sauce quite often but when they were 5 I would have never made them drink it as a punishment. Hot sauce can clean a penny-and myself-my system can’t handle any amount of hot sauce. Again-you are allowed to discipline your child as you see fit. But I don’t think swimming in a cold pool or lake compares to being put in a cold shower and being screamed at as the same thing. Thanks for visiting.

Bree
Guest
Bree

I know, it is so hard to ‘get’ why parents think some methods will have positive results.  I watched that Dr Phil episode, on a follow up they did some research to the hot sauce and I guess some states don’t deem that as abuse (and some due). So, while he wouldn’t do that he couldn’t label that as abusive behavior according to the state. Wild, right? I know it can be super hard to parent at times, but these kids are looking to us to protect them. If they don’t have that with a parent their future can’t be bright in… Read more »

Becky Willis
Guest

I understand from state to state rules differ. I guess I just feel if I wouldn’t want it done to me; I would never do it to my child. I grew up with only a few spankings-usually my Dad just looked at me and I knew to behave. I know every child is different with what works and what doesn’t. I just think respect between a parent and a child goes both ways. 🙂

Anne
Guest
Anne

How in the world could anyone think this would help a child who already has attachment disorder?  I think it is shameful.

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