Excerpt From Professor Birdsong’s Weird Criminal Law Stories Volume VI Women in Trouble
EXCERPT FROM PROFESSOR BIRDSONG’S WEIRD VOLUME VI: WOMEN IN TROUBLE!
CHAPTER SEVEN
FOREIGN WOMEN IN TROUBLE AND SOME FINAL STATISTICS
The Bureau of Justice Statistics of the U.S. Department of Justice advises us that women were about a quarter of defendants charged with alien smuggling and misuse of visas during the last year.
This chapter is comprised of stories about foreign women in trouble. Let us hope that none of them are smuggled into the United States or arrive here with phony visas.
Right!
SERBIA: Chasing women actually sounds a lot saner. How’s this for a dying last wish? When Milena Markovic of Belgrade was dying she asked her husband, Milan, to have a replica of her vagina engraved on her tombstone, so he would look at it instead of “chasing other women.” We learn it took Milan nearly three years to find a stonecutter up to the task. “Now that it is finished, I love it,” said Milan. Seeing is believing, we guess.
UKRAINE: She sounds like a lean, mean, cleaning machine! A husband found out the hard way that his wife liked housework a lot better than she liked sex. The angry wife allegedly strangled her 47-year-old husband with the power cord of her vacuum cleaner because he was pestering her for sex while she was busy vacuuming their living room in Kiev. He lived, but won’t be pestering her for sex ever again while she is cleaning.
RUSSIA: This is a real May-December marriage. A 98-year-old woman who was very jealous beat her 78-year-old husband because he was allegedly eye-balling a lovely neighbor. In response the husband hit his elderly bride with a rolling pin. No report on whether an arrest was made. Isn’t it strange that jealousy knows no age distinction? One would think at 98 and still married that the old woman would have little to worry about. We would not be surprised to learn that the lovely neighbor was only actually a fit 69-year-old.
ROMANIA: PHEW! We hope she is satisfied now. A 72-year-old widow watched over the body for two weeks of her deceased husband. She did this because she wanted to make sure he wasn’t faking his death in order to start a new life with his mistress. The widow finally got the hint he was truly dead when the body started to decay. She then reported his death to authorities. Police ruled the husband had died of natural causes. No charges were filed against the widow. Smells like she has suffered enough already.
About the Author:
Professor Birdsong received his J.D. from the Harvard Law School and his B.A. from Howard University. He teaches law in Orlando, Florida. After graduation from law school he worked four years at the law firm of Baker Hostetler. He then entered into a varied and distinguished career in government service. He served as a diplomat with the U.S. State Department with various postings in Nigeria, Germany and the Bahamas. Professor Birdsong later served as a federal prosecutor. After leaving government service, and before he began teaching, Professor Birdsong was in private law practice in Washington, D.C.
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