Dear Addiction…. I Hate You!
Dear Addiction…..
I hate you. I know that hate is such a strong word, but it is the only word I can come up with after what you have done to my niece.
I have known her since she was born, a little chubby baby girl, innocent to the world. She was born 11 months after my youngest and they were best of friends until high school when they seemed to drift a little bit apart, but different friends, different interests can do that. But their love for one another has never wavered. She is my second to the youngest niece who always brightened a room with her “not forced” smile and her infectious laugh. But then you came along.
You helped her disguise your hold on her, well at least from us. I am sure her Mom and Dad were dealing with more than we realized behind the scenes. They probably didn’t know at the time though that you were gaining your hold on her, sucking her in.
When did it start? When did you know you had your hold on her? And the biggest question I have is what did you use to allow her to let her guard down?
The problem with you, Addiction, is that you are sneaky. You found her when you knew you could prey on her insecurities, and helped that along by diminishing her self-worth. You slowly took your hold on her and intensified it, until it was too late to pull her out quickly. (I believe she can still rid herself of you, even if it means she will always be an addict, just not a ‘practicing’ one.) -I guess that is what you call it.
I am angry because you have turned all of our lives upside down. Not only have you affected her, but her parents, her siblings and even without them knowing it, her nieces. Then there are her grandparents, cousins, aunts/uncles… need I go on? You have caused too many sleepless nights for my sister and my brother-in-law, too many tears, too much worry, too much stress and too many what-ifs? You have stolen most of her teen years, years when she should have been able to start finding herself, but instead you have paralyzed her.
For my parents who have eight grandchildren, you have made it so not all eight are able to be together at our gatherings. Her absence is noticeable, and a void that can’t be filled. We seem to shy away from family pictures because without her it is not the same. A piece of our family puzzle is missing which makes it incomplete.
You have changed her, Addiction. We long to have her back like she was prior to your hold. We believe it can be possible. We are also not dumb as we know she will never exactly be the ‘her’ we knew before, but an even better version of herself. Your hold on her right now is so strong, that she has become perfect at not letting us see the girl that lies beneath you. She puts up a front, so we all think she is ok. I believe she doesn’t feel worthy of our love. But she is! That is one thing you cannot take from her. The love of her family!
We are angry at this hold, and although we wish she could just ‘stop it’, we know right now she can’t. You are a sickness, and with all sicknesses she needs the time to get better. She has to realize she no longer needs you, she needs to learn how to deal with her problems without you. It is then, and only then will she start to heal.
Sadly Addiction, you will always loom in the background, waiting for her to ‘need’ you. But by then she will be strong enough not too, and know she can turn to one of us to help her get by. As well as the meetings there are to help support her if she feels like she might fall.
So this Addiction is why I HATE you. Our family is not the same and thanks to you, I am not sure it ever will be again.
Sincerely but not respectfully,
Becky
“Her loving Aunt” who loves & believes in her. Nothing you do Addiction will change that.
What's Your Reaction?
