What is the ‘Mental Load’ and Why Does it Usually Fall on Women?
Although at first glance it may appear many progressive households attempt to split chores evenly – and indeed the physical work may be 50/50 – the thinking, organizing, and problem-solving required to manage a household is an unseen burden that someone, often women, must also bear.
This hidden labor is what is known as the ‘mental load’. These invisible tasks have also been referred to as ‘worry work’ or ‘cognitive labor’, and are not about the physical tasks that need to be done, but the overseeing of these tasks. As any graduate of a BSN to PMHNP program would know, carrying the mental load in any dynamic can be a stressful and exhausting burden.
What Exactly Is The Mental Load?
The mental load encompasses all the tasks and responsibilities required for the smooth functioning of a household. This may include managing finances, tracking grocery needs, scheduling appointments, and remembering or organizing family events.
While some mental load tasks may seem trivial when viewed individually, together, the work required constitutes a significant cognitive burden that can become overwhelming.
A good example of this is managing a school day. The physical tasks required to complete this task are relatively simple: ensure children are appropriately dressed and groomed, give them breakfast and provide lunch, and complete the drop-off and pick-up.
The mental load however, is much more extensive; you must ensure laundry has been completed before uniforms or other items of clothing are required, ensure bathroom necessities, breakfast and lunch food are available (and are nutritionally appropriate), be aware of the school calendar for special school events, field trips, class parties or science fairs that require specific supplies, and keep track of early release days and carpools.
Grocery shopping is a physical chore, and assessing what you already have and what you need and compiling a list is part of the mental load. Photo by Boxed Water Is Better on Unsplash.
Other examples of the mental load include organizing playdates, tracking when doctors or dental appointments are required, budgeting, or even managing vegetable intake for fussy children. The mental load is all about doing all the little things that allow the ‘big things’ to get done.
Experts say there are three overlapping categories of hidden work;
- Cognitive labor involves thinking about the practical elements needed to run a household. This may include organizing kids’ sporting events, grocery shopping, or arranging the logistics of a weekend.
- Emotional labor involves maintaining the family’s emotions. This can include calming down a child who is worrying or acting up at school, helping someone manage relationships outside of the immediate family, or dealing with other emotion-based issues any member is facing.
- Mental load is the intersection of cognitive and emotional labor. It is all about preparing, organizing, and anticipating every emotional and practical need required to keep everyone going.
How Is The Mental Load Affecting Women?
When it comes to household responsibilities, women tend to perform far more cognitive and emotional labor than men, particularly when it comes to childcare and parenting decisions.
This is partly due to gender constructs – the stereotype that women should be primary caregivers to children as they are expected to be more concerned with this type of labor, which pursues communal goals, caregiving, and benefits others.
Even in the case of dual-income households, research has found women still perform the majority of all household chores and duties. Reinforcing the idea that “women can do it all” only further solidifies the pressure to meet these societal expectations and continue carrying the invisible burden.
The old “you should have asked” comment is also thrown around a lot in unbalanced partnerships. This problematic phrase is the perfect example of a partner who views the woman as the manager of the home, with him confined to a mere staff member. What they are really doing when asking what needs to be done is saying, “I refuse to take on any of the mental load.”
The unequal distribution of household chores and the mental load can take a toll on both a woman’s mental and emotional health, and they are more likely to experience burnout and stress because of it. A study published on Taylor & Francis Online found that cognitive labor affects men and women differently in terms of stress levels. When looking at family-work conflicts, for example, women were twice as likely as men who measured similar levels of cognitive labor to report high family-work conflict.
The constant juggling of the mental load can also have other significant impacts on women’s lives, such as placing constraints on their availability for paid work, a decrease in their earnings, and the hampering of career progression. In a world where we continue to fight for equality in the workplace, this is yet another barrier that needs to be brought down.
Moving Forward
The mental labor that occurs alongside the performing of physical activity or chore is often considered less important or is even forgotten. By starting open and honest conversations with our families and partners about this burden, we can start working towards shifting the norm and creating a more balanced system where not everything falls onto the women’s shoulders.
A true equal partner will show a willingness to listen and learn. They will demonstrate understanding and proactively look to change their mindset and attitude toward the mental load and how it should be distributed. Most importantly, though, they will help fight the good fight towards gender equality when dealing with the mental load.
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