10 Ways To Finalize Your Divorce

Divorce inevitably affects nearly half of the American population. It is oftentimes inevitably filled with a wide array of emotions ranging from grief and depression to anger and incomprehension. Some couples are lucky in that they can work amicably part ways, while others simply can’t let past experiences slide for the sake of a quicker divorce. Regardless of where you’re at in the process of separating from your spouse, here are ten ways you can finalize it without crossing a line:

Avoid trying to get too friendly.

The process of divorce is anything but friendly, and during the process, you need to keep a level head. Though perhaps one of you is ready to carry on being friends, the other party may not be.

Let your divorce proceedings go as planned with a safe distance between you and your ex. You can work on the kind of relationship you want to have after the paperwork is finalized.

Choose a lawyer who can double as a mediator

Some couples go straight for the throat, but if you want to achieve a friendly divorce, choose a mediation attorney who can also double as a mediator. Not only will you save a great deal of money choosing this option, but you can salvage the remainder of your relationship if you can part ways in an understanding manner.

Show your kids teamwork parenting

Kids are greatly affected by divorce, especially when it happens at a young age. It’s important that your kids understand what this divorce will mean for them and that they still have a place in both of your futures. Come up with a parenting plan that you’re willing to share with your kids if they’re old enough to understand the details.

Get everything in writing

No matter how friendly your divorce seems, make sure that anything you discuss with your ex is written down by your lawyer/mediator. It is important that when tensions rise, no one gets the idea of changing their minds. This can mean things about splitting assets or how you’re choosing to co-parent your kids. Having everything written down holds you both accountable.

Figure out how to work through problems

It’s important to consider that even if you agree with every aspect of your divorce plan right now, things may change in time. What if one of you wants to move? Who pays for your child’s college? These are all things that should remain open to interpretation for the future. Lay down some ground rules about how you intend to move forward if your desired plan hits a snag. For example, you may consider sitting back down with a mediator to reach common ground. It is common for people experiencing separation to go through divorce therapy to help them deal with the situation.

Consider what happens if someone doesn’t stick to the rules

Much like parenting, divorce does involve fragile egos, and it is sometimes easy to forget the things you promised in the meeting room. Discuss what happens if one of you doesn’t hold up their end of the deal or breaches your contract. Will it end in the courtroom?

Avoid falling back on old patterns

You’re at this phase in your life for a reason, and that means you have your reasons for filing for divorce. Avoid falling back into your old nagging patterns or feeling responsible for what the other person does with their own time. You no longer have any reason to care about the other person’s insecurities, your in-laws, or other internal struggles. It may feel like old times just talking to each other again, but move on and avoid the same mistakes. Breakup intimacy is yet another divorce pitfall to watch for!

Accept new boundaries for your relationship

One of the hardest things is letting go when it comes to your marriage. You may feel like having a friendly conversation, but your ex may not be up for it. You need to let this all work as a formative experience and let yourself change for the better.

This involves letting the past go and allowing yourself to react differently in certain situations. You are no longer a couple, and that means you have the freedom to lead a different kind of life. Sure, this may mean feeling lonely for some time, but let yourself experience everything!

Still make some time together as a family

You have kids to think about, and youngsters often fantasize about their parents getting back together again. It’s important to still spend time together as a family but in a different way. This entails setting new boundaries and reconfiguring your relationship to work with your children. Your kids need to see that you still care about and respect each other, but in a different way.

Avoid letting outsiders into the equation

If one of you cheated, and that has led to the divorce, you need to not bring this extra person into your family unit as an equation. It may seem tempting to do so, especially since you may have older kids. However, consider that bringing an extra person into your divorce is emotionally confusing and not everyone present may like or even tolerate the person involved. Instead of creating yet another emotionally isolating incident, make it a point to only get together with the people that were directly involved.