40 Questions to Ask Before Marrying Someone

Deciding to spend your life with someone is not a decision that should be taken lightly. After all, even marriages that end in divorce often begin with the intention to be together forever. 

If you are considering marrying someone, you should know a few things about them, their values, and their expectations for the future. 

If you have been in a long-term relationship, you might assume you already know the answers to the questions that matter. However, it’s still worthwhile to have these sorts of conversations; you might be surprised! 

If a discrepancy arises or you’re stressed about all that goes into preparing to get married, you can always enlist the help of professionals, like those at MyTherapist, before you tie the knot. 

40 Questions to Ask Your Future Spouse

To get to know your potential spouse better, share intimate experiences, and strengthen your bond, you can use any or all of the questions below. Don’t hesitate to come up with some of your own, too.

1. How do you envision our marriage? What do you expect it to look like?
2. Do you want kids?
3. If so, how many? Are there any rigid boundaries you want to keep in mind?
4. Have you ever considered adopting children in the future?
5. Do you have any qualms about both parents working? 
6. How did your parents raise you?
7. What kind of parenting style do you expect to have for yourself?
8. What do you think the child-parent relationship should look like?
9. Do you expect to have a pet?
10. What kind of pet would you want?
11. Do you think you will want to move to another state/country in the future?
12. How long do you plan on staying at your current job?
13. Do you consider yourself to be more extroverted or more introverted?
14. How do you prefer to show love? What’s your love language?
15. How do you prefer to receive love?
16. How did your parent’s marriage affect you?
17. Do you know anyone whose marriage you hope to resemble?
18. How do you handle miscommunication?
19. How do you handle disagreements?
20. Do you have a history of being ill-tempered or struggling to manage feelings of anger, especially in stressful situations?
21. In the past, have you asked for help when necessary?
22. Would you be willing to attend couple’s counseling if necessary?
23. Do you have any outstanding debt?
24. If so, do you have a financial plan in place?
25. How do you feel about a shared bank account?
26. How is your credit score history?
27. What do you tend to spend the most money on monthly?
28. Do you usually track your expenses monthly?
29. Do you have any spending habits that you are trying to kick?
30. What sort of health insurance do you have? What kind of services might it cover for the two of us?
31. Do you have any concerns related to anything in your medical history? If so, do you feel comfortable sharing them with me now?
32. Is there anything in your family medical history that I should know about?
33. Do you feel like a difference in politics will affect your relationship?
34. How important to you is it to have a similar political stance as your partner?
35. What political issues are closest to your heart? 
36. Which things matter the most to you in a potential partner?
37. What are you most proud of as a partner?
38. How much do you value fidelity? 
39. In what ways do you hope your partner will support you?
40. What does marriage mean to you?

Takeaway: Asking Can Be Challenging

Some of these questions might feel tricky to ask, so don’t worry about asking them all at once. Over time, you will begin to get the answers you need to make an informed and educated decision about marriage. 

If your partner resists answering any of these questions, don’t push. Perhaps there are details that they are not ready to share with you yet. 

If you do not feel comfortable getting married without these answers, don’t be afraid to take a bit more time to get to know one another before you choose to exchange this information. 

If you are ready to ask these questions of someone else, you should feel prepared to share your answers as well. Before you start this conversation, take some time to reflect and consider how you would answer. 

Being prepared to offer the same information you are asking of your partner is perhaps one of the best ways to create a solid foundation. If you think you both would have an easier time navigating this conversation with the help of a professional therapist, consider reaching out and ask for help.

About the Author:

Marie Miguel has been a writing and research expert for nearly a decade, covering a variety of health- related topics. Currently, she is contributing to the expansion and growth of a free online mental health resource with MyTherapist.com. With an interest and dedication to addressing stigmas associated with mental health, she continues to specifically target subjects related to anxiety and depression.