Helping Your Daughter Through Her First Pregnancy
It doesn’t seem real. It doesn’t even seem feasible. It seems like just a few weeks ago you were bounding her on your lap and recounting the antics of one Very Hungry Caterpillar to her. A heartbeat later she was off to college. You looked away for a moment and your invite to her wedding dropped in the post. The very next thing you know, your daughter, the apple of your eye is telling you she’s pregnant. For men and women alike this can bring up a diverse cocktail of emotions. In the space of a split second, you may veer erratically from ecstatic pride to abject terror of the thought of being a grandparent. Just make sure your first words in reply aren’t “But I’m way too young to be a Grandma!”.
The truth is that whether our kids are in their teens or in their thirties, whether they’re raising their child with a partner or on their own, whether they’re carrying one child or quintuplets, your responsibility is clear. Keep on showing them the unconditional love, support, and guidance that you’ve shown them all their lives. Here are some great ways in which you can do just that…
Wait for her to ask for advice
When it comes to seeking practical advice that will help her to better understand her pregnancy and what to expect while she’s expecting, who better to ask than her Mom and/or Dad? After all, you’ve been through it all with them. However, just take a moment to remember what it’s like to be a parent-to-be. It can seem like every day is a battle against an endless deluge of unsolicited advice and opinions. She’ll be getting it from her friends, her work colleagues and anyone else who’s even babysat a child.
While you may feel fit to burst with all the wisdom you’re able to impart to her, be sensitive to the fact that she’s probably dealing with information overload when it comes to all things prenatal. Do what you can to help her to feel happy, comfortable and supported throughout her pregnancy and trust that she’ll ask for your advice when ready.
Keep any disapproval to yourself
As you probably remember, pregnancy can play hell with your self-esteem. It can plague even the most confident woman with lingering self-doubt which can ultimately lead to prenatal depression. You may not feel that she’s the right age or in the right circumstances to have a baby. You may not feel all that great about her partner and co-parent. Nonetheless, the very last thing your daughter needs in her current circumstances is disapproval. If you feel that she has made a mistake, all that you can do is trust that she will learn from it and emerge on the other side a better person for her parenthood. And by providing her with the right support infrastructure, you can maximize her chances of doing just that.
Stay focused on the positive and reiterate your love and support. She may face an uncertain road, but you’ll be with her each step of the way.
Help her to eat right
Your daughter’s health will impact heavily on her pregnancy. If she isn’t eating right or sleeping enough she may be at risk of a longer and more complicated labor not to mention feeling uncomfortable and unhappy throughout her pregnancy.
Make sure that she’s eating right. This is an especially pressing concern for busy Moms to be with busy and stressful jobs. If your daughter wants to grow and deliver a healthy baby, she can’t be getting all of her sustenance from the snacks in the office vending machine. Invite her over for dinner as often as possible and cook her some good old fashioned healthy and hearty comfort food. Not only will this keep her nourished, but it will also help her feel safe and looked after, especially if you cook her one of her childhood favorites. Remember to keep the whole foods and fresh veggies piled high and are sure to include lots of lean proteins and healthy fats.
Reassure her
Although she may not say it out loud, there’s a good chance that your daughter thinks “is this normal” to herself dozens or even hundreds of times every day. Every time she feels her baby move and every time she attends a prenatal session she’ll likely be brimming with uncertainty wondering whether what she’s experiencing is business as usual or evidence that something, somewhere has gone horribly wrong.
There are lots of ways in which you can help her to demystify what’s happening to her and even make it feel predictable and controllable. For example, you could use this guide from Bloomlife to help you time contractions or pack a throw-up emergency kit for her to take the panic and unpredictability out of morning sickness. Use your knowledge to help her pregnancy less uncontrollable and scary for her, but be wary of the dangers of too much information when pregnant.
Talk about other stuff
While you may see this as the beginning of something beautiful and exciting for your daughter, she may see it as the end. The end of her career. The end of her social life. The end of life as she knows it. She may feel that she’s about to surrender her unique personality and resign herself to the notion of life as a subservient robot.
One of the most helpful things you can do is remind her of herself by talking about her interests, her friends, her career and her life outside the rollercoaster of pregnancy and the potential pitfalls of motherhood. Take her to her favorite restaurants. Marathon her favorite movies. Share treasured memories of her childhood like past vacations or funny stories that only the two of you really understand. The more confident and assured she feels about herself, the better she’ll feel about her ability to juggle motherhood with the myriad other aspects of her life.
Your daughter may be about to face the most challenging, scary and wonderful time of her life… But you’ll be by her side every step of the way!
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