Society has long held social stigmas and labels associated with divorce. Some of these include the fact that men are stronger and move on more quickly, and women are weaker and have more emotional issues. Another label often used after a divorce was that women should get the children because they were more nurturing, and men should pay child support because they earned more money. The past 30 years have thrown all those labels and stigmas into the realm of falsehoods as more men and women in society continue to break through social norms and establish a world of their choosing – but it does have a price.
If the father is a stay-at-home dad, the divorce proceedings with Cordell & Cordell can be a crushing loss to his sense of identity because the fact is that most judges still split the children between the parents evenly. Once he is no longer able to define himself exclusively as a dad, the divorced father can struggle to find himself. This is even truer if the father has been unemployed for more than one of two years. Getting back into the job market can be difficult for someone with nothing on their resume for the past five years except child-care.
Fighting the Ego
Society expects men to move beyond divorce with little or no problems or emotions. But men are human and being sad after the loss of a marriage partner, friends, and related family members can be an emotional experience – often resulting in grief. Working through the depression that can come with being alone and with the loss of sense of self can be a difficult journey that can last for years.
Grieving With Help
The psychological destruction of self can also result in multiple sex partners and the consumption of too much alcohol. Men see themselves as able to handle the world on their own, so they may drown their sorrows or show their manliness by experiencing one-night stands. Rather than helping him heal, the grieving divorcee can find himself moving further down the hole of anxiety, depression, and anger.
Depending on the religion or social norms a man grew up with, he can feel intense shame when his marriage breaks up. As the proceedings with Cordell & Cordell professionals come to a close, and he is officially divorced, his first reaction may be feelings of becoming distraught and agitated at the loss of his sense of purpose, that he let down his parents, or he broke his religious code. A man’s self-image must be redefined after a divorce, along with his place in society; and that can be a devastating task to try and undertake alone.
A divorce doesn’t just break up a family unit; it also shatters extended relationships. When couples go out with friends, it is often with other couples or friends from work – divorce causes a problem. Friends are pressured to take sides, associate with only one of the pair, or pull away and leave both alone. Family members on both sides feel a sense of destruction in the relationships they have had up until this point with the brother-in-law or son-in-law. Even if a man was best friends with his wife’s brother before a divorce, the marriage’s breakup can cause a rift big enough to shatter the friendship. There can also be awkwardness, discomfort, and emotional problems with social engagements, school functions, and religious ceremonies.
Divorces can shatter every part of a man’s life, not just his marriage. If you know someone going through a divorce, no matter what they project, understand they are grieving for what they lost – and it may take a while to get through it. Be patient and lend a shoulder while their emotional scars resurface.
Newly middle-aged wife of 1, Mom of 3, Grandma of 2. A professional blogger who has lived in 3 places since losing her home to a house fire in October 2018 with her husband. Becky appreciates being self-employed which has allowed her to work from 'anywhere'. Life is better when you can laugh. As you can tell by her Facebook page where she keeps the humor memes going daily. Becky looks forward to the upcoming new year. It will be fun to see what 2020 holds.