“Professor Birdsong’s 177 Dumbest Criminal Stories: International” Excerpt

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“Professor Birdsong’s 177 Dumbest Criminal Stories: International” Excerpt

Professor Birdsong is out with another volume of his Dumbest Criminal stories. And he has done it again! Many of his stories are so funny that they will make you laugh out loud. He has managed to use his expertise and experience in criminal law to bring you 177 more of the most outrageous and dumbest criminal law stories from around the world. This new volume features stories of dumb criminals from China and the Far East, Stories from Around the Indian Ocean basin, Russia and Eastern Europe, the United Kingdom and France, as well as stories from Canada and Mexico. There is the story of a Chinese woman accused of killing a shopkeeper by squeezing his scrotum when he asked her not park her motorbike in front of his shop; her grip was so strong that the man went into shock and died.

More from 177 Dumbest Criminal Stories International


  • Then there is the story about a South Korean airline passenger who was not allowed to bring a certain liquid on the plane. She drank the liquid in front of airline officials but refused to swallow. When officials made her spit the liquid into a bucket they found she was attempting to sneak dozens of tadpoles on board.
  • In India we learn about the use of “weapons-grade” spice wherein a group of criminals hijacked a train and freed a fellow gang member by throwing locally made chili powder in the face of police chasing them. They got away with it, too.
  • From Australia there was a 20-year-old thief who stole a tanker truck containing 5,811 gallons of milk and led police on a two hour chase.
  • From Poland we learn of a man who sued his ex-wife for a refund on the $8,000 he had spent on her breast implants.
  • From Germany we find that a well-endowed woman allegedly tried to kill her boyfriend by smothering him with her size 38 DD breasts.
  • Then there is the one about the English man arrested for having sex with his girlfriend’s dog.

The stories just go on and on; in this 177 Dumbest Criminal Stories book which covers just about every silly, unlawful citizens from around the in the globe. The stories are all true stories. Full of his witty “Birdsong” commentary the book is sure to deliver some great laughs. Professor Birdsong presents a wide variety of just plain, dumb criminals that make this anthology worth reading and, will, as previously stated, at times, make you laugh out loud.



When many of you think of dumb criminal law stories, you may think they come just from the United States. But that’s wrong. Feast your eyes herein on some of the dumbest international criminal law stories from China, Japan and Vietnam – all parts of the Far East.


For centuries China stood as a leading civilization, outpacing the rest of the world in the arts and sciences, but in the 19th and early 20th centuries, the country was beset by civil unrest, major famines, military defeats, and foreign occupation.  After World War II, the communist under Mao Zedong established an autocratic socialist system that, while ensuring China’s sovereignty, imposed strict controls over everyday life and cost the lives of tens of millions of people.  After 1978, Mao’s successor Deng Xiaoping and other leaders focused on market-oriented economic development and by 2000 output had quadrupled. For much of the population, living standards have improved dramatically and room for personal choice has expanded, yet political controls remain tight.  Since the early 1990’s, China has increased its global outreach and participation in international organizations.

Now, on to some of dumbest criminal law stories that have come out of China –

CHINA:  Murder, by way of malicious gonad grabbing? A woman has been accused of killing a man by squeezing his scrotum. The gonad attack came when the man complained to the woman about parking her motor scooter in front of his store. The argument got so heated that the woman grabbed the shopkeeper and yelled, “I’ll squeeze it to death! You’ll never have children again!” Her grip was so strong the man went into shock and died.

CHINA:  There is no such thing as a free lunch? A Chinese man found that there is such a thing as a free lunch if one is willing to eat at the airport. The man managed to scam months’ worth of free meals in the VIP lounge at Xi’an Airport in Shaanxi by buying a first-class ticket, and then switching his flight to the next day after he ate. The man continued to switch over and over until the ticket expired, when he simply cancelled it.

See Also

CHINA: Yep – size does matter!  A Taiwanese woman divorced her husband because his penis was too small.  The 52-year old bride learned the “little” truth on their wedding night.  She also said he couldn’t perform in several attempts, and had refused to seek treatment.


177 Dumbest Criminal Stories by Professor Birdsong on Amazon

About the author:

birdsong-colorProfessor Birdsong received his J.D. from the Harvard Law School and his B.A. from Howard University. He teaches law in Orlando, Florida. After graduation from law school he worked four years at the law firm of Baker Hostetler. He then entered into a varied and distinguished career in government service. He served as a diplomat with the U.S. State Department with various postings in Nigeria, Germany and the Bahamas. Professor Birdsong later served as a federal prosecutor. After leaving government service, and before he began teaching, Professor Birdsong was in private law practice in Washington, D.C.

Find Pfr Birdsong on his website and on Twitter @Prof_Birdsong


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Kim Hampton
Kim Hampton

This sounds hysterical! Will have to check it out.


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